So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
