Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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