Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
