You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
