No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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