So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
