You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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