It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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