Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
