Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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