We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
