I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
