Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
