I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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