I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
