cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize