I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
