Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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