god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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