I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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