I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
