She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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