Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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