There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
