I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
