if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
