I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
