Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You need Xanax blowdarts
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
