hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
