There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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