My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
