..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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