pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize