Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
