obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
