i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
