if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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