There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's official drugs can't kill me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
