the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
