we have pet lesbian snakes
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I party with great urgency now.
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