Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
