I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
