I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
