Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
