it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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