I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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