Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
