we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
