i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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