what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How external is "for external use only"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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