no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Screwed.edu
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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