direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
