cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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