Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
