I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
