I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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