just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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