I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
