I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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