Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize