Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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