i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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