If that was your dad, he is hot
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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